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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28722489">5 Steps</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thewickedhandofdeath/pseuds/Thewickedhandofdeath'>Thewickedhandofdeath</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The X-Files</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Comfort Sex, F/M, I Ship It, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Light Bondage, Secrets, Sexual Content, Sorry Not Sorry, Spanking</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:22:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,497</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28722489</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thewickedhandofdeath/pseuds/Thewickedhandofdeath</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This takes place a couple of years after S9, so that little talk CSM had with Skinner never happened.<br/>What if William wasn’t his, nor Mulder’s?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex Krycek/Dana Scully, Fox Mulder/Dana Scully</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Meeting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is your final warning: if you don’t like the idea of Scully/Krycek, run far away. I mean it!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alex Krycek was enjoying his freedom; although he missed being around others. At first, it wasn’t so bad being in the desolate Rocky Mountains of Montana. The wildlife pretty much entertained him enough; that was during last summer though which then led into fall when everything started to hunker down for the winter.  Come December he had wished he could hibernate with the rest of the animals and just outright miss winter altogether.</p><p>Once he found out that C.G. B Spender was officially dead and that all of his cronies disbanded, it was official that he was a free man and no longer had to live on the run. Technically he was free once Skinner had shot him since ol’ smokey couldn’t track him, but thankfully that was the last remaining clone of him that remained. “It’s been real, Stumpy.”, he said lurking in the shadows of the parking garage that night.    </p><p>He was laying on the couch, pondering what he wanted to do after the thaw of winter when one of the outdoor motion detectors went off. Pulling the curtain back he was expecting it to be the same cougar that had come by yesterday, but this wasn’t the case. He wondered if his eyes were deceiving him as he pulled his .9 mm out of the coffee table drawer.</p><p>“Alex?!” came a female's exhausted sounding voice.</p><p>He peeked out the window a second time to be assured that he was in-fact not hallucinating. It had been at least 4 years since he’d seen her. She was paler than before; her hair was a lighter shade and the length was much longer than he’d remembered.</p><p>Krycek opened the door, pointing his gun at her through the screen door. “Don’t step any further!”</p><p>Dana Scully was unsure why she was even here. A few weeks earlier she had received an anonymous letter that stated that Krycek was not dead and that he had information regarding the truth behind William, along with the coordinates of where to find Krycek. She had debated for  those several weeks to go through with it, and whether she wanted Mulder to as well. Monica finally talked her into it, telling her that she had a good feeling about it.</p><p>Scully’s hands raised above her head as she stopped, her face incredibly perplexed by that point. “So, you are alive? I can’t believe it.” She was surprised, but with everything that she had witnessed throughout the years, she was less surprised and more in awe. </p><p>“And I intend to keep it that way. Where’s Mulder?”</p><p>Her teeth started to chatter from the cold. “In Virginia.”</p><p>“What do you want, Scully?” </p><p>“We need to talk. I received a letter a few weeks ago regarding William and that you knew the truth behind him.” Her hand moved close to the zipper and she saw his eyes narrow in suspicion. “I’m going to pull it out from my pocket so you can see it.” </p><p>The screen door creaked as he pushed it open. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Now, go back to Mulder before he comes out here searching for you and tries to kill me. I’m enjoying being alive still.” Meanwhile, in his head, he was cursing John out.</p><p>He and a close friend of over 30 years were talking about William a few months back. John had suggested that Scully needed to know. Alex passed it off thinking nothing was going to be done, but apparently, John had other plans.</p><p>“Krycek! Don’t you dare think for one moment that I believe you!” She started to rush towards the porch making him remember how much he missed the feisty, ice queen. </p><p>“What, that I don’t know what you’re talking about, or that I enjoy being alive?”</p><p>She thought for a moment as she got under the porch awning, “Both, especially the latter.” The snow started to fall once again causing her to look up. “If you wanted to live, you wouldn’t be pointing a gun at an FBI agent.”</p><p>“Don’t you mean former FBI agent?” He asked sardonically.</p><p>She sighed and gave him a stern look. “Yes, fine, former.”</p><p>He laughed on the inside.  “Nice to know that you haven’t changed; therefore I’m going to assume that neither has Mulder. And if I recall, Mulder would never leave you to do something like this on your own.” His eyes diverted away from her and scanned the surrounding area.</p><p>“And you’re absolutely correct, but that would mean that he’d have to know where I was going and why.”</p><p>This threw Krycek for a loop. Why wouldn’t Mulder know? Weren’t they always tied at the hip?<br/>
“How do I know you’re telling the truth?”</p><p>“I guess you don’t. And I don’t know how else to prove it to you other than this.” She said holding the letter in mid-air. The look on her face tore at Krycek’s heartstrings for just a moment. Her bottom lip pushed out, making it look like she was pouting.</p><p>“I never thought that I’d see the Ice Queen pout like that at me. It’s almost endearing.” He opened the screen door and motioned for her to come in.</p><p>“Listen, Krycek, I just want answers and then I’ll be on my way.” She brushed passed Alex making her way in and turned back around to face him as she took off her gloves.</p><p>He shut the door behind him, his gun lowered to his side. Something told him that he could trust her, but he wasn’t insane enough to have it out of arm's reach, so he slipped it into the back waistband of his jeans. “Let me go get the papers that you’re looking for. Go ahead and make yourself comfortable because I think it’s going to be a long night.”</p><p>“What is that supposed to mean?” She sounded perturbed by this. All she wanted were answers; she wanted to know where William was and that he was safe. What else was he going to tell her? </p><p>“Exactly that...now have a seat and get comfy...I’ll be back in a minute.” He said as he walked around the corner to another room.</p><p>Scully did as he said and sat down on the couch in front of the fireplace hoping to warm up finally.  She could hardly feel her toes and fingers as it had to have been well below freezing. She wondered how could anyone want to live in the cold like that.</p><p>“I’m going to be honest; you’re not going to like what the letter says, and it’s going to be a lot to process. And whatever you do, remember that I had no decision in any of this.” Her eyebrow popped up in curiosity as he handed the envelope to her. “First things first, don’t open that until I return with a drink; you’re going to want it.”</p><p>Her eyebrow rose in curiosity and she hesitantly did as he said. The envelope started to flutter in between her thumb and fingers impatiently. A million thoughts flooded her mind of what information may be inside.</p><p>Krycek carried two glasses out from the kitchen, “All I have is vodka and scotch; pick your poison. Either one you pick will help warm you up quicker.” Scully picked the scotch. “Damn, that was the one I was going to pick.”, he said sarcastically trying to lighten the mood, but judging by her reaction, it was futile. The glare from her could have burned straight through him as she shot almost half the glass back.  </p><p>“Can we get to the point now?”, impatience in every word. </p><p>He sat down across from her in another chair. Dread started to set in and his face became paler. Was he prepared for an irate Scully? Was he prepared to console if needed? He could only imagine that she was going to go through 4 of the 5 steps of grief; there was not going to be any acceptance of what was on those papers. </p><p>“Scully, before you open that envelope, I need you to fully understand that I had no involvement in this.” </p><p>Scully’s life was about to be forever changed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Shock</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had taken Dana Scully several weeks and finally a deep conversation with Monica to realize that maybe she did really need to seek out Alex Krycek if he was even actually alive. </p><p>The last time she saw him, she was running from Billie Miles trying to save herself and her unborn child. Skinner had reassured her time and time again that he did kill Krycek with a bullet straight through the forehead. There was absolutely no way he was still alive; however, something had always bugged her about that night. </p><p>Krycek wasn’t acting like himself, almost emotionless. He had previously tried killing Scully because that was the only way to kill the unborn William. But that night he tried saving her. Monica had even agreed after that night, which was another reason that Monica may have been able to sense Krycek still, and another reason that she demanded that Scully follow through with this. </p><p>They had figured out a way to keep Mulder busy while Scully went on this rat hunt alone. The hardest part was to ensure that he’d be occupied long enough, but Monica would figure it out if needed. </p><p>She had recently found out that Mulder loved Graceland and that John had never been there. John was hesitant at first, but Monica explained that ever since they took over the X-Files that Skinner managed to keep open with the guarantee that Mulder and Scully would have nothing to do with it, they hadn’t had time apart from each other, and it was starting to wear their relationship down. It actually didn’t take as much work as she thought.</p><p>The person she had to do the most convincing with was Mulder. After Scully returned to school, he had barely seen her. He’d been looking forward to her taking the winter quarter off, but was disappointed to find out that Monica had other plans for Scully. They both assured Mulder that it would only be for a few days and that he would have her all to himself when she returned. He reluctantly agreed.</p><p> </p><p>Scully was sitting on the couch, directly across from Alex, feeling like she was about to hyperventilate. She took a breath, opened the flap then pulled out three sheets of paper. He closely watched her eyes read and then re-read each line, her face becoming paler; the shock was taking over. </p><p>She held up the genetic film strips in the light in disbelief. “This can’t be true.”, she said quietly.<br/>
Krycek sat in the chair, lightly pinching his bottom lip, watching her take all of this newfound information in. He remembered exactly what he went through when he found out shortly after William was born and knew that she was going to take it much worse than he did. </p><p>The papers landing on the coffee table and the embers cracking in the fireplace broke the silence. Scully had no idea how to deal with this; Krycek wondered if she was even able to fully comprehend the full scope of what this meant. Her head started to shake in disbelief as it slipped into her hands.<br/>
“This can’t be happening.”, she said barely above a whisper. “Did you know about this from the very beginning?” She couldn’t bear to look at him. He wasn’t the scum of the earth, but close enough at that point as far as she was concerned.</p><p>“No, not until I received the letter.” He wasn’t sure if he should continue speaking, or just let it sink into Scully and only she asked the questions and he answered. </p><p>“Do you know why they chose you to be William’s father or how and when it happened? Because I don’t know about you, but I certainly don’t remember anything...” She was unable to look at him. Reading that was the last thing she had expected; it almost felt as if the Earth was crumbling all around her the moment that she said it out loud.</p><p>He quickly drank the remaining vodka and waited for the burn to subside before answering. “The day after I received that letter, I went into town and called John. He’s one of the few remaining syndicate members, so to speak.” He stood up and retreated back to the kitchen to refill their tumblers. “All he was able to tell me was that it was because of my genetic traits and the anti-virus that Mulder injected you with in Antarctica.” He said as he handed Scully her drink, of which she quickly downed and handed the empty glass back to him. He took that as a ‘Get me another drink’. He continued to speak as he returned to the kitchen to get the bottles, “Regarding the last part, he thinks it was when you agreed to go with Spender. Shortly after that was when you found out that you were pregnant, right?”</p><p>“Yes, but…” She was visibly shaking. How could she have been so stupid to go off with him? How could she have not connected the dots with William? She was never supposed to be able to get pregnant, and yet after she was drugged and returned home, there she was. </p><p>Alex could feel the anger emanating from her deeper than the heat from the crackling fire. He felt that it was going to be a long night, especially after looking out the window and seeing the snow flurries growing in size and speed. “Scully, I hate to bring this up, but it’d probably be best for you to stay here tonight.” He noticed that she continued to stare into the flames through the tears. “Scully!”</p><p>Her eyes grew wide, but she couldn’t look at him. “Huh?”</p><p>“I’d advise you to stay here tonight. I know it’s probably not up to your standards, but it beats trekking back downhill to your car.”</p><p>“I think I can make it back just fine, Krycek.” She got up from the couch and brushed her jeans in hopes to wipe away the sweat from her clenched fists. “I don’t even know why I bothered. I guess it’s better knowing that you’re the father;” her voice grew louder as she pushed passed him to get out of the house, “I mean hell, he very easily could have been the father with how depraved that man is; if you can even call him a man!”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please remember to leave feedback</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Anger</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I'm sorry that I suck at writing summaries. <br/>Anyways, this is her reaction chapter to finding out that Alex is William's father</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>All Alex could do was stay out of her way and stand in the kitchen entryway, with his arms crossed as she huffed out the door. His head fell into one of his hands as he let out a sigh and smirked, shaking his head. “There you go being typical Scully.”, he said to no one but himself as the door slammed shut. </p><p>There was no way Scully was going to make it back down the hill before nightfall and the snow started to come down heavier and quicker than it had all day. But, what was he supposed to do? The best thing was to follow her at a safe distance to ensure her safety; no way was he going to have her death on his hands, especially with her hiding this from Mulder knowing he was already a dead man if he had found out. It wouldn’t matter if Krycek was involved any farther than telling Scully the truth, or not. It also didn’t matter if Scully told Mulder where she was going, or why.</p><p>Alex pulled his jacket off the rack by the front door. He quickly opened the door with such force that it damn near broke off of the hinges when he heard Scully scream at the top of her lungs, causing the birds in trees to scatter. He stopped dead in his tracks after he cleared the porch steps to let her have her space once he saw her land on her knees, crying up to the Gods above. </p><p>“WHYYYYYY?!” Her hands covered her face when her head dropped down into her hands as she sobbed. </p><p>Alex walked up behind her not knowing exactly what he was supposed to do. Without thinking about it, he wrapped his arms around her to pick her up. “Scully, come back inside.”</p><p>She stood up with his help but immediately started beating her fists against his chest. This didn’t come as a shock to him as he knew she was beyond angry. He’d wondered if it was anger towards him, Spender, the conspiracy, or all of the above. </p><p>“Why did I have to be sent to deal with him?” </p><p>He pulled her in closer and held her in hopes that she would stop beating him up and it worked. Her hands were covering her face while she continued to sob in his arms. His hand started to stroke her back as he tried to comfort her; absentmindedly his chin rested on her head. “Deal with who, Scully?”</p><p>“Mul...der.”</p><p>That was not who he anticipated her being angry with. “Let’s get back inside before we get so covered in snow that we become snowmen.” This almost brought a smile to Scully, but all she could do was nod her head in agreement. <br/>As they walked under the cover he began to dust both of them off. “Would you agree that it would be best for you to stay here for the night?” All Scully could do was nod as Alex took her jacket from her when they shut the door behind them.</p><p>By this point, the house had started to cool down because the fire was smoldering and the door was left wide open. She gladly accepted the wool blanket that he handed her as she handed him her damp jacket.  “Thank you.” she quietly said as she walked over to the couch to sit back down.</p><p>“Why don’t you rest while I start making dinner, and if you’re up to it, we can talk about everything later?”, she nodded in agreement. </p><p>As he put the meat in the oven he peeked around the corner and noticed Scully lying peacefully on the couch; the blanket covering most of her face, her red hair covering the rest of it. She subconsciously tried swiping it away and for a moment he thought she was awake until a strand fell further down and he noticed her eyes were shut. He walked over and tucked it behind her ear causing her to stir slightly. </p><p>As he sat down in the chair across from her, he couldn’t help but almost feel sorry for her. Actually, it wasn’t an almost; he did feel sorry for her. She never asked for any of this to happen, especially not knowing exactly what was to come from joining the FBI. Would she have still joined if she knew even a fraction of what was to come? He figured probably not.</p><p>For the next hour, he had contemplated whether to even tell her that he knew where William was. The consequences were too much if she did find him. There was a high chance that if the new leader of the syndicate did find him they would start performing tests on him and that she would never even see him anyways. All Alex could do was explain this to her and hoped for the best.</p><p> </p><p>The day he received the letter from John was the day that he lost all hope for Scully to have any semblance of a normal life. William was always going to be hunted by Syndicate so that he could be used as a lab rat. Something about him being the end-all of the aliens invading Earth.</p><p> </p><p>Alex broke from his reverie when the timer went off. “Hey, Scully…” A light groan came from her, but she didn’t budge. He figured a few extra minutes wouldn’t hurt as he walked into the kitchen. Pulling out the pan, he checked the temperature when he saw her walk around the corner with the blanket still wrapped around her. Her face so tormented looking that all he wanted to do was take her in his arms and somehow promise her that everything would be okay and that they would get William back. But, alas, he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep that promise. Keeping himself out of their grasp was hard enough; let alone the golden child that would guarantee their immunity from the alien virus.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Feedback, feedback, feedback. <br/>Thank you for reading this far.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Bargaining</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Scully didn’t have an appetite, but she didn’t want Alex to go through all of the trouble. She’d force down what she could. It did smell good, though. </p><p>“You okay, besides the obvious?” Alex asked knowing the answer, but he wanted to break the silence.</p><p>She placed the blanket that she continued to keep herself wrapped in for comfort back on the couch and returned to the table. “It smells good.”</p><p>Alex brought over a bottle of Cabernet and proceeded to pour them each a glass. “Thanks.”</p><p>For the most part Scully just moved the food around with her fork with tears close to falling. She was holding so much resentment towards everyone who played a part in the whole scheme. “Was this planned from the beginning?” Her voice low and shaky. </p><p>Alex wiped his mouth with his napkin and then took a sip of wine. He was unsure and didn’t know exactly how to answer her. “I’m honestly not sure. It would seem likely, but I’m not sure why; why you, no offense.” But then he remembered a time when they had mentioned a red head directly out of medical school; one they’d been watching throughout most of her time at Stanford. “Now that I think about it, I’d heard rumors about someone who they’d been watching from Stanford. Didn’t you go there?”</p><p>She sighed, “Yes.”</p><p>“I remember that they were talking about someone who rewrote something about Einstein and how they were completely taken aback. Other than that, and what I told you earlier, I’m not sure about anything else.”</p><p>Scully’s food just continued to be pushed around by her fork. “A...Krycek, what would have happened if I had not accepted their...his offer? I know it was Chief Blevins who offered it to me, but I know it was HIM who wanted me.”</p><p>“You can call me Alex, and I don’t know. But what I do know is that if I have to contact Mulder to come get your starved, dead body, he will kill me.”</p><p>“Don’t tempt me.” She retorted as she took a small bite of the steak to appease him. </p><p>“Thank you.” He finished the food on his plate and drained the remaining wine in his glass before continuing. “Back to your question, I think somehow they would have found a way to bring you in. Ol’ Smoky had been smitten with you since he first laid eyes on you. At one point he was even trying to figure out how to just get you to join him, but had realized you were “brainwashed” by Mulder-“</p><p>Her fork fell from her hand clanking against the ceramic plate, “Brainwashed? I was never brainwashed by Mulder.” She was appalled by the mere thought of anyone thinking she was ever brainwashed. Didn’t they ever think that if she were brainwashed she would have believed the stories about aliens much sooner, or that she never would have questioned everything. </p><p>That was the one thing that Mulder always found frustrating about Scully; it was also one of the many things that he loved about her. He said her strict rationalism and science had saved him a thousand times over. If it weren’t for her challenging him constantly, he would have fallen deeper down the rabbit hole.</p><p>Scully was so lost in thought and a memory that she hadn’t realized that Alex was talking. </p><p>“but…” Alex didn’t know what else to say. “Scully, it’s not going to change anything, no matter how much you ask yourself what would have happened if you hadn’t joined.”</p><p>She sighed knowing that he was right and resorted to the fact that what had been done was done; no changing the past or the present. “But, is there a chance that I could get him back? Wouldn’t you be able to help us?” She started to choke back the tears. “He’s dead; the rest of them are all dead, too, right?”</p><p>She was in what is called the bargaining stage; no matter what she did, it wasn’t going to change any of this. He poured the remaining wine in her glass, “Scully, you need to know that they will always be around. He may be dead, but not the others. Some are still fighting the cause. They still believe the aliens are going to take over. They still know that William is out there,” he looked away, “but thankfully they don’t know where.”</p><p>Scully became skeptical; there was something that Alex wasn’t telling her. The way he was talking and his tone told her that he knew everything. Her eyebrow raised as she studied him. “Alex?”</p><p>He deeply swallowed and stood up front the table, clearing his dishes, “Are you done?”</p><p>Her fingers tightly wrapped around his wrist, “Krycek!” </p><p>“Yes?” He paused and looked down at her.</p><p>She released his wrist, “Why are you avoiding this conversation now?” </p><p>He picked up the remaining dishes off of the table and proceeded to the kitchen. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He could sense her standing right behind him, “I’ve told you everything that I know, Scully.” His voice was calm and steady, not as if he were lying to her.</p><p>He started to run the water so that it could heat up and he turned around. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he looked into her eyes, “Scully, it’s late and you’ve had a long day. Let me fill the sink up and I’ll get the bed ready. If you’d like, I can even get you some other clothes to sleep in.”</p><p>She sighed, resorting to the fact that maybe false hopes were convincing her that he was lying. But maybe not; she had known Alex long enough, and knew what he was capable of; lying, deceit, etc. But there was nothing at stake for him, or was there? He knew William was his son. How could a parent just let their child go? Didn’t he have a stake in this, too? Didn’t he want to have a relationship with William?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Despair/Depression</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Scully is not handling the news very well</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Scully laid in Alex’s bed for several hours as her mind wandered. A thousand questions ran through her head, a million scenarios also played through. The tears finally dried up and she could no longer cry. </p><p>The ambient light from the fire downstairs shown through the crack under the door. She had thought for a moment of giving up on sleep and trying to get more answers from Alex, but her body wouldn’t cooperate and she couldn’t get up. All she wanted to do was cry the more she continued thinking of William.</p><p>She closed her eyes and imagined what he would look like now knowing he was hers and Alex’s, not hers and Mulder’s. He was 3 years old now. The tears returned when she realized how many firsts she had missed; word, step, etc. </p><p>That was the moment Alex was awoken on the couch by Scully’s muffled scream. He quickly ran upstairs and opened the door to see her face down in the pillow, her entire body shaking. His hand involuntarily started to rub her back as he walked up next to her. “Scully?”</p><p>She didn’t push him away but started to sob more violently. “How could this happen? What did I ever do to deserve this?” </p><p>Alex sat on the bed next to her, continuing to rub her back. He didn’t know what else to do, or what to say if even he should. “Scully…I know nothing I can say will make this any better, but just know that I understand.” </p><p>Just then the sobs stopped and she jumped off of the bed, her face covered in tears. “HOW THE HELL CAN YOU UNDERSTAND?!” She bent down, their faces inches from each other. “YOU COULDN’T BEGIN TO! YOU DIDN‘T CARRY HIM FOR 9 MONTHS!  YOU DIDN’T GIVE BIRTH TO HIM WHILE BEING CHASED DOWN BY ALIENS! YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO BE A SINGLE PARENT AND MAKE THE TOUGHEST DECISION IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE KNOWING HOW MUCH IT WOULD HURT!” </p><p>What she didn’t realize was that the feeling that she had earlier about him hiding something was correct. His teeth started to grind in anger; anger with her yelling at him, the anger that he still held for Spender doing this to her and him, and the anger at himself for not telling Scully the full truth. </p><p>He stood up, towering over her, “WHAT YOU DON’T REALIZE IS THAT, YES, I DO UNDERSTAND! HE’S MY SON TOO, SCULLY!” He rushed out of the room afraid he would do something that he’d regret. </p><p>Scully stood there looking at the now empty spot where Alex was standing, knowing he was right. Afraid of facing him after, all she could do was collapse back on the bed. Within minutes she fell asleep.</p><p> </p><p>The next morning may have possibly been afternoon by the time Scully woke up. The birds weren’t chirping like a normal morning from what she remembered camping in the mountains as a young girl. Plus, the house wasn’t as cold as it should have been, that was unless he kept the fire going overnight. </p><p>Trying to get out of bed was futile. Her body wasn’t willing to cooperate. She hadn’t felt this depressed since she had cancer, but she’d assumed then that it was the cancer eating away all of her energy; now she wasn’t so sure. </p><p>She mustered up enough energy to roll over and looked out of the partially uncovered window to see the snowfall. The flakes were larger than the ones she had seen the day before. She was unable to make out how much more it had snowed overnight but judging by the large clumps causing the tree limbs to bow, it was a lot.</p><p>Once again the visions of a three-year-old William danced around in her head. If he was anything like her, he probably had a children’s book buried in his face; something about marine life. Maybe Mrs. Van De Kamp read him Moby Dick. Was that his favorite book? Were they already trying to teach him a second language? Just then she envisioned herself doing all of those with him.</p><p>All of the emotional pain that she had gone through from the time she had decided to give him up until she handed him over to the mediator came rushing back. But the pain she had experienced yesterday was unbelievably worse than it was 3 years ago. </p><p>Before she realized it, the night was starting to take over. How long had it been since she woke up, or had she laid the whole day in that bed feeling sorry for herself? That was when she heard the floorboards creaking as Alex walked up to the bedroom door. The sound stopped and she could hear him quietly talking to himself, but couldn’t make out the words. Silence for a moment, then a light rap on the door followed. </p><p>“Scully, you awake?” he quietly asked. </p><p>Why was she paralyzed? She wanted to say yes, and her mouth moved very slightly, but nothing came out. </p><p>“Scully?” Alex asked as he slowly opened the door. Her back was facing him so until he got to the bedside he didn’t know she was awake. “Hey, Scully, it’s almost 5 o’clock.”</p><p>She just continued staring out the window and he wondered if she was finally having a nervous breakdown. With how much she’d endured the last 12 years, he’d expected it to happen sooner than this. He helplessly looked down at her expressionless face and sighed before turning around to retreat to the kitchen to get her something to eat. </p><p>He tried to find some kind of comfort food hoping that may help. Not knowing what she liked or didn’t like didn’t help much, but figured he couldn’t do wrong with soup and grilled cheese. </p><p>A little later he took the food to the room; still no response. He set the tray down on the nightstand and rubbed his hand across her shoulder. “Scully, you need to eat. I wasn’t joking when I said I didn’t want to have to contact Mulder. He would literally kill me, and he’d revel in the joy of doing it, most likely with his bare hands. I’m sure he was pissed that Skinner killed me the first time, instead of himself.” He heard a faint whisper and saw her lips moving. “What?”</p><p>Still barely above a whisper, “How’d you survive that gunshot wound? Skinner told me that it was point-blank.”</p><p>He sat down in the curve of her legs with his hand still resting on her shoulder, “That was a clone. I was there, but I had a feeling that I was going to die that night and decided it was best to just watch over everything in the shadows to make sure the other me didn’t fuck up.”</p><p>They sat in silence for a bit longer before he left the room. He had debated whether to contact Mulder or Monica and let them know what was going on. Who knew what Scully exactly told him, but if she had just up and left, Mulder wasn’t going to take long to find her. What if she was still like this in the morning, or when Mulder got there if he did have to have him come out?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you once again for getting this far</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Acceptance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Scully finally comes to accept Alex as William's father.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Honestly, I think she'd accept Alex as a father more than CSM, but there's also a higher chance that she'd finally believe in aliens and their ships before this.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next morning Krycek woke up to noise coming from the kitchen, the smell of pancakes and coffee, and a freshly crackling fire in the fireplace. He hoped that it meant he didn’t have to contact Mulder. </p><p>Sitting up on the couch his hands scrubbed his face. “Good morning.” This worried him; she was almost chipper sounding. </p><p>He looked over, an equally cheerful smile on her face peering around the corner, “Good morning.”, he repeated back as she returned to the kitchen, him following her.</p><p>As she was scrambling the eggs he could have sworn that she was humming a Beatles song, but he couldn’t remember the name of it. </p><p>“Beatles fan, huh?” </p><p>“Hmhmmm.”</p><p>He sat down watching her with a smile on her face. “What song is that? I just can’t remember.”</p><p>“Happiness is a Warm Gun.”, she said and then continued humming the chorus.</p><p>Alex raised his eyebrows. “Ah, that’s right. Hadn’t heard that in years.” He thought it was an odd choice of songs for her to be thinking of.</p><p>She dished up their plates and brought them to the table. “Not sure why, but when I woke up Eleanor Rigby was the first thing I thought of. So others just continued. Reminded me of my younger days with my father. It was always the Beatles and Bobby Darin’s Beyond the Sea. That one was probably the most played.”</p><p>He poured them each a glass of orange juice. As she continued talking about this and that he had started to worry. This was not the Dana Scully he left upstairs yesterday. </p><p>“Krycek, I’m fine.”</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“I can tell by your expression that you’re concerned.”</p><p>“Well, yeah. Wouldn’t you be, Scully?” He lapped up some syrup with the piece of pancake on his fork. </p><p>“Listen, I had plenty of time to think it over. Yes, it came as a shock, but I get it. I just need to know one thing.”</p><p>They both finished chewing the bites and then took a sip of juice, “Yeah, what’s that?”</p><p>“The other night you mentioned how they knew that William was alive, but they don’t know where he is.”</p><p>“Yes, and?” He swallowed hard. He had given himself away that night but it was so subtle he didn’t think she had caught on. </p><p>She placed her fork on the plate, sat back in the chair, and crossed her arms. “You couldn’t look at me and it was almost as if you were avoiding me. Now, why is that?” Her suspicions were finally out in the open and she could have sworn a look of guilt crossed his face. </p><p>He set his fork down, took another sip, and swallowed hard. How was he going to tell her without causing her to spiral down the path that she just returned from? “Well, uh, I need you to guarantee that you aren’t going to go ballistic.” She deeply inhaled and nodded. “I know exactly where he is.” </p><p>Her eyes grew wide; betrayal covering her face. If he knew, then they knew. He could see her face growing red with anger. “You made me a promise just now, Scully.”, he reminded her. </p><p>She huffed, “Do they know where he is?”, giving him the benefit of the doubt.</p><p>“Absolutely not. John and I are the only two who know where William is.”</p><p>The questions Scully had grew exponentially. “How can you be so assured?”</p><p>Krycek looked calm as he got up to pour them a cup of freshly brewed coffee. “John, the one I told you about the first day was originally part of the Syndicate during the Cold War.” He paused, looking out the window at the deer walking across the yard and smiled, and then continued pouring the coffee. “Cream, sugar?”</p><p>“Cream, no sugar, please.”</p><p>He handed her the hot cup and returned to his seat. “So, anyway, this same thing happened to John and his wife with the only child, with the exception that theirs didn’t survive.”</p><p>Scully sat there ladened with guilt. “What happened?”</p><p>“Two years after Jeremiah was born he succumbed to a terrestrial disease that we still know nothing about.” He sipped his coffee, giving Scully time to take this in.</p><p>“What was it?”</p><p>“As I said, we know nothing about it. We know that his DNA started to rapidly change and the pathogens started to evolve. At first, it seemed as if it were the common cold, but then pneumonia took over, but it wasn’t the fluid.”</p><p>“The pleura effusion...What was it?”</p><p>“Well, remember the green goo that bled from the bounty hunter?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“It was like that. Their doctors tried everything they could to help Jeremiah, but the inevitable happened. After John found out about William, he contacted me.”</p><p>“Is he the one who told you that you were William’s f…” </p><p>The stage of acceptance may have finally taken over, but Scully found it to be difficult to call Alex William’s father, and he knew this would be the case. The fact that she was taking this as calm as she was was a positive for him, and he would take it in stride. He’d come to the realization the night before of how painful all of this was for her. He’d had years to come to terms with this; she had only a couple of days.</p><p>“Yes, John was. He and I didn’t know each other very well until this. What we did know was mainly in passing and hearsay. But he explained to me that he would do everything in his power to protect William.”</p><p>“Have you seen William?”</p><p>“No. We had decided that it was best not to, for his protection.”</p><p>Scully sighed defeatedly. That was when Alex stood up and walked out of the kitchen and into his office. As he did this, Scully cleared the table. When he returned he handed her a photo box. </p><p>“Let me clean up, and you go through this.” There was an almost blank expression in her eyes.</p><p>As he finished up the morning dishes he refilled their coffee. Pictures and letters strewn about on the table and Scully was almost in shock. </p><p>“Were you planning on keeping these from me?” Her eyes stayed on the papers and pictures on the table; letters that read William’s progress from John’s perspective, and pictures that he had managed to, what Scully was assuming, steal from the family somehow.</p><p>“No, just trying to find the right time to share them with you. This right here is why I have taken it as hard as I have. I was almost to the point a few months ago of telling John to stop, but decided not to.”</p><p>Scully got to the last picture and saw a man hugging William during his last birthday party; one man she hadn’t seen in the others. “Who is this?”</p><p>“That’s John.”</p><p>“He…”</p><p>“He has gone to such lengths of protecting William that he and his wife moved to Wyoming to be closer to him. They ended up befriending them shortly after and seem pretty close now as you can tell by that picture.”</p><p>The tears started streaming down her face once again. She may have missed William’s firsts, but she was able to live through the photographs, which made her happier than she had expected. She wiped the tears away and started to pack up the photos before starting to read the letters.</p><p>“You can have them if you want. They probably mean more to you than me.” </p><p>“Alex?”</p><p>“Yeah?” A smile crept across his face as she said his name.</p><p>“Thank you.” She stood up and started packing the letters that she would eventually read at a later time; probably on the flight back to DC.</p><p>“Now that you’ve found what you came for, plus some, and the snow has finally died down, we should think about getting you back down the hill. Did you want me to come with you? I’m still a little worried about something happening to you. And what would happen if-”</p><p>“Oh yeah, I probably should get back to him.” Her voice monotone. </p><p>Alex pulled the backpack from the rack and placed the box in it along with some other incidentals while Scully went to change out of his sweats and sweatshirt that he was nice enough to let her use. </p><p>As she came back downstairs looking at her phone, “There’s absolutely no reception up here.”<br/>“Yeah, um that’s kind of the point.”, he said followed by a chuckle. </p><p>He opened the door and noticed the dark, ominous clouds peering over the next ridge. “We should probably hurry up. It’s going to take us at least an hour to get down the hill, depending on how much snow there is further down.”</p><p>Within 20 minutes the clouds were directly over them, wind howling, and the snow quickly getting heavier. He could hear Scully’s teeth chattering, “Scully, you okay?” He looked back and she was bundled up, arms crossed tightly in front of her. “Yeah, no you’re not. We can try this again tomorrow.”</p><p>“No, I’ll be fine.” She said the chattering teeth still.</p><p>He placed his hands on her shoulders, and looked her square in the eyes, “Scully, stop being stubborn. I’ve lived here for a few years; I know how it is. We aren’t even a quarter of the way down, yet. I’m not worried about me, but it’s you I’m worried about.”</p><p>“Fine, Alex.” She said flatly. As much as she wanted to get back home to Mulder, she also hated trekking through the winter wonderland of Montana. As she turned around to start hiking back to the house a dreadful thought popped in her head just then. “But what if it’s not any better? Or even the next day, and so on?” </p><p>“I’ll figure it out. It’s not like I asked you to come up here.” </p><p>“Well, if I knew of any other way of talking to you, I would have chosen that over this!” She exclaimed loudly. </p><p>“You do realize that not all of the animals have gone into hibernation, yet, right?” </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Yeah,”, his voice grew softer,  “some may be out looking for a little redheaded snack.” He stopped as he noticed movement behind the tree line.  </p><p>She stopped dead in her tracks, her face turning ghost white, “Alex...</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Only More Questions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The morning was looking optimistic to Scully. She woke up in a good mood and continued to stay that way until a few minutes into their hike down the hill from Alex’s house. The answers he’d given her were more than she had anticipated, but she was happy knowing that William had a good life. </p><p>Scully stopped dead in her tracks, “Alex…” she trailed off as the cougar started to quickly pace back and forth, behind the treeline.</p><p>Alex started yelling at it knowing that loud noises normally scared them off, but it didn’t seem to work with this one. If anything, it made it more curious and it started to pace more, not breaking eye contact with Scully. He took off the backpack and pulled out his pistol, which wasn’t enough time before he noticed a second cougar running towards Scully.</p><p>“Noooooo!” He yelled as it took Scully down and his gun jammed. He threw it down as he grabbed the large stick that was laying on the snow-covered ground between him and them. </p><p>Scully was using all of her power to get the large cat off of her, including kicking it, which seemed futile. As it managed to mangle her hood, Alex managed to get one hit in before it yelped and ran off. As he turned around to find the other one, he immediately took another swing causing it to also yelp and run away. </p><p>Alex looked down and noticed the scratches on her face. Thankfully they weren’t deep, but enough that he was going to have to bandage her up when they returned. </p><p>“Hey, you okay?” He asked as he knelt down next to her and padded his sleeve across the marks while looking around to make sure the cougars were still gone. </p><p>Scully attempted to sit up and hissed, holding her side. <br/>As she laid on the ground she poked and prodded the painful area. “Yeah, I should be. I think it’s only bruised.”</p><p>“Okay, well let’s get out of here before they come back with a couple of their friends.” He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her up slowly and went to retrieve his gun. </p><p>As they made their way back, he’d almost wondered if he needed to carry her back once they realized that it wasn’t just the scratches and ribs, but also her ankle and arm. Leave it to Scully to be stubborn enough to not accept his help; that was until they made it to the stairs to his house. He picked her up and carried her into the house. </p><p>“I’m going to get a bath started for you and then I’ll be back to help clean you up.” He sat her down and pulled the blanket off of the back of the couch and wrapped it around her. </p><p>Just before he left her she whispered his name. </p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>He smiled, “I’m getting a lot of that from you lately.” </p><p>A chill ran through Scully due to the adrenaline finally wearing off, causing her to finally start feeling the pain through most of her body. She knew that it was going to be at least a couple of more days that she’d be here and started to worry about Mulder and what he would do, and how long would Monica be able to play it off. They had agreed that Monica would finally go back home to John after Scully contacted her. </p><p>Alex returned with the first aid kit and started to rifle through it looking for the alcohol pads. “Alright, let’s see what we have here.” He sat on the coffee table in front of Scully tearing a couple of packages open. He looked meticulously at Scully’s face taking in all of the wounds.</p><p>“I don’t think I have to warn you how much this is going to sting.” He paused just before he lightly dabbed one of the prep pads on the worst laceration, waiting for her to give him the okay. </p><p>Scully nodded and he proceeded to gently brush the cold pad against the inflamed gash on her cheek. A loud hiss forced its way through gritted teeth. It was deeper than Alex thought originally. “If you need to-”</p><p>“I’ll be fine; sorry.”</p><p>The sadness appeared in his eyes. He really didn’t want to cause her any more pain than needed, but he knew that if they didn’t get her wounds clean, they could become severely infected. Delivering a wounded Scully to Mulder was a better option than a dead one. The latter thought sent a shiver of fear through Alex. </p><p>His hesitance was noted; her hand wrapped around his wrist in reassurance. “Alex, please, I’ll be fine.” </p><p>He smiled and did as she said. “If it gets to be too much, please tell me.”</p><p>It didn’t take much longer for him to clean her up. When they got done, he went to check on the bath. “I’ll get you another change of clothes. There’s a towel on the counter for you.” He helped her get up from the couch and wrapped her arm around his shoulders and his arm around her waist to help brace her as they walked to the bathroom. </p><p>A solemn feeling flooded the bathroom between both of them as he stood in the doorway watching her examine herself. She was shocked by what she saw in the mirror. This was definitely worse than what she had anticipated as she poked and prodded a couple of the wounds. </p><p>“I’m going to go get you the clothes; I’ll be right back.” He felt like absolute shit; If his head was on straight back there, he would have known that they were being tracked for some time, he thought to himself as he shut the door behind him. </p><p>Meanwhile, Scully was still checking herself out in the mirror wondering how stupid she was; she never liked being the damsel in distress, and that was exactly what she was feeling like. Not only that but the fact that it was Alex Krycek who ended up saving her. “Who the hell would ever think that would happen?”, she asked herself. <br/>A knock on the door broke her thoughts. <br/>“Come in.”</p><p>Alex opened the door and noticed tears streaming down her face. He placed the sweats on the counter and proceeded to brush the tears away inadvertently. “You sure you’re okay, Scully?”</p><p>A light blush swept across her face as she nodded. The thought of that man having a tender bone in his body was perplexing to her. She never saw him as anything but a rat as Mulder called him one time. This was a totally different side of him. </p><p>“Yeah, I’m fine. Just really sore.”</p><p>“Okay, well, I’ll leave you be. If you need anything just call for me.” A sorrowful expression passed over his face. </p><p>“Okay. Thank you, Alex.” She said as the door shut behind him. </p><p>She waited to hear the steps follow him, but there was no creaking of the floorboards. The door slowly opened but he wasn’t there. She peeked around the corner to see him sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall, his head in his hands. </p><p>“Alex?”</p><p>He took a breath and stood up. “Hey, sorry. Is the water too cold?”</p><p>“No, no it’s fine. Are you okay?”</p><p>“Okay. Sorry; I just needed to…”</p><p>“I understand. I’ll be fine, Alex.”</p><p>“I know; you’re always fine, even when you’re not.”</p><p>Scully couldn’t figure out where this was coming from. Nothing major happened other than some scratches, ankle sprain, and a bruise. It’s not like she fractured any bones or worse, died. “What is that supposed to mean?” Her tone resonated with slight anger. </p><p>“Scully, you could have died out there, and it would have been my fault.”</p><p>Her hand inadvertently found its way up to his cheek. There was so much hopelessness in his green eyes, and she felt sorry for him. “Where is this all coming from? You’ve never really cared for-“</p><p>He immediately interrupted her, “Don’t you dare say it!” His voice started to grow in anger, “You have no clue, do you?” He chose that moment to walk away, leaving her standing in the doorway completely taken aback.</p><p>Her head dropped and she retreated back to the bathroom, closing the door behind her. After undressing, she slipped into the bath and let the water soak into her bones. She now had more questions now than when she’d arrived.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Almost done. Fluffy smut (Not sure what else to call it) coming up.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. The Call</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alex makes a phone call</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The last few days were hard on Alex. He’d always appreciated Scully, but feelings for her started to grow exponentially. </p><p>Dread actually set in when Scully showed up to talk about William. He was hoping that it would be a quick and easy thing to deal with because he wasn’t planning on telling her the truth, but he came to the realization that someone needed to, and he figured that it would be better coming from him, not John. </p><p>When John told him what he was going to do, he tried to stop him, but something stopped him subconsciously from telling John not to. Part of Alex knew this was a risky plan, but thankfully it wasn’t as risky as if Mulder were more involved. And now Mulder would have to be involved. </p><p>What Scully didn’t realize was that Alex had a satellite phone and when she was cooped up in his bed yesterday, he made the call; a call that he quickly regretted. </p><p>“Hey Monica, it’s Alex Krycek.”</p><p>“Alex? How’d you get my number? Is Dana there with you?”</p><p>“Yeah, she’s here and she's fine. I found it on her phone.”</p><p>“Is she okay?”</p><p>He heard that Monica had premonitions, and the lack of worry in her voice told him that she knew that she was okay. “Yeah, well, sort of.”</p><p>Alex could hear the ting of what he assumed was a spoon in a coffee cup stop abruptly. “What do you mean “sort of”?”</p><p>“Okay, well you know about the five stages of grief, right?” </p><p>“Mhmm. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. And she just happens to be in the depression stage, right?” </p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“And you need me to come out?”</p><p>“Well, no, but maybe.” He started pacing in front of the fire, his hand rubbing the back of his neck to help relieve some of the tension. </p><p>“Okay, how about this, wait it out and see how she does tomorrow. If she’s still in rough shape, let me know, and I’ll come out there.”</p><p>“I can’t promise Mulder won’t be with me though. He and John are supposed to be back tomorrow. I’ve already tried to tell them that she and I needed one more day. I doubt he’s going to buy any story that I tell him about-“</p><p>“Yeah, I get it.” </p><p>Both lines hung up and Alex’s stomach started to knot up. “Please, Scully, snap out of this by tomorrow.”</p><p>Another thing that Scully didn’t realize was when he dropped to the floor just outside of the bathroom it was because it finally occurred to him what Mulder was going to do to him when he found Scully in this condition. Alex hoped that Mulder wasn’t going to overreact, but he knew better than that. </p><p>He decided to try to take his mind off of it by restarting the fire and tried to figure something out for dinner. </p><p>Meanwhile, Scully had a revelation. If Alex never cared for anyone other than himself, he would have just shut the door in her face when she showed up after convincing her that he knew nothing about William; not console her, go with her, protect her from the cougar attack, or help her get back to the house. Her eyes grew wide once she figured it all out.</p><p>Her head immediately dipped under the water. She had no idea what to do with this. She’d be lying to herself if she thought that she didn’t have feelings for him as well. “No. This can’t be happening. It’s Alex Krycek.” She wanted to yell in frustration and was about to when she heard what sounded like pots and pans banging against each other.</p><p>She tried distracting herself when she unplugged the bathtub and took a shower to clean up. The water seemed to help wash most of the thoughts away as she cleaned herself up, but it helped only so much.<br/>“Hey, you okay in there? I knocked, but you didn’t respond.” He said through the slight crack of the door.</p><p>“Hm? Oh yeah, sorry. I’ll be out shortly.” </p><p>“Okay, well dinner’ll be ready shortly.”</p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p>Why did he have to worry so much, she asked herself. It made her wonder if Mulder ever worried about her as much. Of course he did, but he hadn’t showed it very much since they left the FBI. But then again, once they left, there wasn’t much for him to worry about except the usual what time she was going to be home from work or school. </p><p>Scully turned the water off and got dressed. As she opened the door the smell of steak, mixed vegetables enveloped her. “Steak twice in one week, huh? Are you trying to spoil me, Alex?” She half-heartedly joked.</p><p>“I figured you wouldn’t turn it down, and well after the day you had, you deserve it.” Scully could have sworn she just witnessed him wink at her with a smirk. “Plus, it’s actually all I have left that was thawed out. But, I will say that this dinner is not coming cheap. I’m having to open my reserve red, and that’s not cheap.” He said as he opened a bottle of wine. </p><p>“Is that Chateau Margaux?” She had only ever heard of the wine, but never saw it, and only knew of how expensive it usually was.</p><p>“Yep. Now let’s eat.”</p><p>The first half of the dinner was spent mainly in silence. Alex was afraid to say anything. He was afraid of making it worse than he already did. Scully wasn’t naive. </p><p>Scully was a different matter; she was afraid of the confirmation. That was until the wine started to take effect. “Alex?”</p><p>He looked up, “Yes?”</p><p>“Did you mean what I think-“</p><p>He was afraid that she’d ask him and abruptly interrupted her, “Don’t, please. Not now.”</p><p>“Sorry.” That was confirmation enough for her. She had no idea where to go with this. Something needed to be done, but what? It was going to be an uncomfortable situation if it wasn’t dealt with. But, then again, she was quite used to that, just not in the aspect. She thought about it for a moment, and either was going to be uncomfortable.</p><p>She decided to finish her glass and started to clean up. </p><p>“Leave it; I’ll take care of it.” Scully could sense the frustration in his words. </p><p>All she could do was exactly what he said. She didn’t want to make it more difficult than it already was so she got up from her seat and walked gingerly to the living room. She had forgotten about her ankle until then and figured she’d ask him for some ice when he got done. </p><p>He must have read her mind though because he walked out and handed her an ice pack and another glass of wine. No words were spoken except her “Thank you.” before he returned to the kitchen. </p><p>She assumed that frustration continued to grow with him because it was growing louder in the kitchen. It abruptly stopped, followed by the slamming of the back door. </p><p>“Monica, it’s Alex....”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay, I lied. the fluffy smut's coming up; please forgive little ol' me.  As always, feedback is welcomed.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here's your smut.<br/>Here is the S&amp;M and bondage trigger warning. It's not much and short-lived, but it's still in here.<br/>I will warn you that I am by no means good at doing smut scenes. I'm not a prude unless I'm writing it. Then I start to feel incredibly awkward.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alex continued to keep himself preoccupied as much as he could for the next few hours. His kitchen hadn’t been as clean as it was since he had finished building the house and he had enough chopped wood to last him through the winter. But what he didn’t have much left of was any more whiskey after he finished the bottle he had been nursing since the call to Monica. </p><p>Scully’s laugh echoed throughout the house. That was the first time he’d actually heard her laugh. As he came around the corner, he was surprised that she was reading 1984 by George Orwell.</p><p>He silently stood against the corner watching her, taking a drink from his bottle every once in a while. There was a pattern; read the page, take a sip of wine, twirl her fingers in the same section of hair, finish the page, wine, hair, and so on.  This went on for over twenty minutes.</p><p>Something made her laugh again, which was odd because there really wasn’t anything funny about that book. Orwell’s thoughts seemed to actually be transpiring in real life, but he was a few years off, thankfully, Alex thought to himself.</p><p>“Since when was Orwell funny?”</p><p>Scully jumped and threw the book, barely missing the fireplace as Alex’s eyes grew exponentially, “Jesus, Alex! You scared me!” </p><p>After a moment he laughed as he picked up the book and sat at the other end of the couch. “Sorry, I wasn't trying to. But seriously, I don’t recall anything in that book being funny.”</p><p>Scully held up the bottle of what was left of the wine to help explain why she thought it was so funny and then proceeded to pour the rest in her glass, “There were a couple of lines from it I found funny. I guess once you work for the government you see how different that book really is. Orwell was wise beyond his years, wasn’t he? Thankfully it’s not as bad as he had envisioned it.”</p><p>“Did you ever see Julia as a spy?” He took a sip of whiskey. The alcohol was finally taking an effect, and he thought to himself that thankfully he wasn’t a mean drunk.</p><p>“Yes, but then I think that she started to develop feelings for Winston.”</p><p>“Huh, that sounds familiar…”</p><p>“Oh, you mean like you with Mulder?”</p><p>“Whoa, whoa, whoa...Why the hell did everyone think that?”</p><p>“Even Mulder thought you did.”</p><p>“God no! I’m as straight as they come.”</p><p>Scully drained the last of the wine in her glass and set it down on the coffee table.  </p><p>He picked up the empty bottle, “Really? You couldn’t leave me any? That was some spendy wine there.”</p><p>Scully started to giggle. “Sorry?” Her face looked guiltier than a child eating their mom’s stash of chocolate.</p><p>Alex pulled Scully’s uninjured leg towards him, causing her to lay down and he jumped on top of her. “Oh, you will be.” He said with a big smirk and then he winked. </p><p>All she could do was snigger some more, which caused him to laugh and he buried his face in her neck causing her to grow silent. Her skin smelled of his soap, but with a sweet essence to it. </p><p>He was shocked when he felt her hands under his shirt tracing along his rib lines sending a mild shiver up his back. She complacently laid under him as he delicately kissed her neck.</p><p>The feel of his smooth lips pressed against her skin sent a warmth through her core. She pulled his shirt off of him and her lips fervently met his. Her hands started to comb through his hair until he broke their kiss and pushed himself up slightly to look at her.</p><p>His hands then started to comb through her hair and he couldn’t stop staring into her green eyes which he could see flickers of the fire in. They just laid like that, staring into each other's eyes.  It was his way of giving her an out if she wanted one, and she didn’t take it.  At least he wasn’t going to be the sole guilty party. He’d give her only one more chance. Maybe he was trying to give himself an out, he wasn’t sure.   </p><p>He sat down, pulling her up with him, and brought her leg over him so she was straddling him. That's when she was able to feel his erection, her eyes grew in size at the mere thought of how big he was. She heedlessly started to rub against him, needing the friction, and they moaned in unison, his head falling back. She bent over and started to nibble on his ear. </p><p>There was no out taken by her; this was it. He quickly pulled her shirt off and ran his nails from her shoulders to her black lace bra, which he quickly unsnapped, then grasped her hips to pull her closer to him. The heat radiating from her was becoming too much for him. </p><p>The bra managed to slide down and find its way to the now growing pile of clothes at his feet. He slipped a nipple in between his teeth, nipping at it slightly then flicked it with his tongue. Her hands dug into his shoulders as she arched her back. </p><p>It’d been so long since he was with a female and knew that he wouldn’t last if she continued to grind him; still constricted by clothes, or not. </p><p>“Not here.” He could barely get out as he tried to catch his breath. He laced his arms around her ass as he stood up with her still wrapped around him. </p><p>“Ohhh, I’ve never done it in the kitchen.” He pulled his head back to look at her and thought she was being serious until she busted up laughing. </p><p>“As you wish.” He shrugged and walked them towards the kitchen. </p><p>“What?! Seriously?” She honestly looked shocked.</p><p>Placing her down on the table, “Sure, why not? Much easier to do this.” He quickly ripped his sweats off of her and realized she wasn’t wearing anything underneath with a pleased expression. </p><p>She rested on her elbows once she laid back and curiously watched him as his face sunk into her center, but not for long. She fell back as he started to lap her up, rolling his tongue around her clit. One of her hands held the edge of the table while the other grabbed a clump of his hair. </p><p>As he inserted a finger into her core he started to suck her clit. Her hips thrust a couple of times and he reached up with his free hand to pinch a nipple as he inserted a second finger. Her moans grew louder with each thrust and her legs started to tighten around Alex’s head. </p><p>“Oh my God!” Was all she could get out once he hooked his fingers and found her sweet spot. </p><p>She laid there panting as he pulled his fingers away and started to bathe her with his tongue. He stood up and admired his handy work. His erection throbbed with each heave of her chest. </p><p>“Been awhile?”, he asked with a smirk, leaning over her as he wiped his face dry.</p><p>“Yes...No...I don’t know…” She was incredibly flustered and barely even remembered where she was until she looked into his green orbs. </p><p>His laugh echoed through the house. “Come on. I have another idea.” He lifted her up from the table, wrapping her legs around him once again.</p><p>Her lips locked with his as he stumbled through the house to get to his bedroom. He damned near dropped her when he stumbled into one of the armchairs. “Son of a bitch! Sorry” </p><p>Scully just bit her lower lip and sniggered again. “That’s going to be the death of me, woman.” He loved the sound of her laugh, but when she giggled it reminded him that she wasn’t the ice queen like he’d almost always thought. </p><p>“Shut up and kiss me, Alex.” He did as she demanded, walking them into the room, making sure to skip any more tripping hazards.</p><p>Not breaking their connection, he laid her down gently on the bed. There was just enough room for her to reach in-between them to unbuckle his belt, all the while he was trying to get his boots off, and then his jeans. His erection finally became free and Scully’s eyes lit up.</p><p>Alex’s eyes narrowed. He had just realized that he was the one doing most of the work so far, not that he minded. “You know what?”</p><p>A million questions raced through Scully’s mind. “What?”, she asked excitedly. </p><p>He rolled off of her onto the bed, pulling her over him so that she was straddling him. </p><p>“Ohhhh…”, was all she could get out as she could feel his hardened dick pulse between her legs. At first she just kind of sat there because she was afraid that she was going to be too clumsy due to the alcohol, which is why she hadn’t done much so far. There was a reason that the last time she and Mulder had drunken sex was over two years ago. </p><p>He could see the hesitation in her and he knew it wasn’t because she didn’t know what to do. For a moment he was afraid that she was having second thoughts and possibly thinking of Mulder. </p><p>His hands grasped the back of her head to pull her face, closer to his, and he sucked at her bottom lip until she became less rigid. There was no way in hell that he was going to lose this probably one and only chance. </p><p>She started to grind on him to situate herself enough so he was able to push into her. It took a few pumps for her to expand to his size, but when she did she couldn’t think of anything or anyone but him.</p><p>Her body started to slowly rock back and forth as she sat up. She was lifting herself up just enough for him to think he was going to pop out, but then she’d slide right back down, slowly. He moved his hands from her hips to her breasts, pinching each already perky nipple. Apparently, that helped her because the pace quickened.</p><p>“Oh God, D-”</p><p>And just like that, his mouth was covered with hers. When she sat up she told him not to say it. </p><p>“Or else what?” He slapped her on the ass just to see what her reaction would be. “Ohhhh...You like that, huh?”</p><p>She mewled slightly as she picked up the pace and leaned back to add a little more pressure to her clit. </p><p>He started to pinch a nipple and he could have sworn he heard her whine again. His other hand made its way to her swollen clit to assist her. Before he realized it though, she batted him away and stopped.</p><p>“What’s…” But he didn’t continue because he was afraid of the answer; that was until he looked up and she had a slight smile on her face. “Yes?” </p><p>“Nothing.” Her head tilted slightly. “I didn’t realize how hot you were until now.”, she said almost as if she were embarrassed and her face immediately buried itself in her hands. </p><p>At first, he thought she was crying until he heard her laughing. “Okay, laughing during sex doesn’t really help with a man’s ego, if you get my drift.” </p><p>“Well, I guess I will-”</p><p>“Nope. My turn. You had your fun, now it’s mine.” He pushed her off of him and rolled her over onto her belly.  He pulled her ass into the air and spread her legs.  “I think you need a little punishment.” As he brought himself to her very slick entrance he slammed himself into her and slapped her ass, causing her to yelp in surprise. “Before I continue, am I to assume that you like it rough?”</p><p>She tilted her head to look in his direction and nodded, “Mhmm.”</p><p>He slapped her ass again, “No, use your words, like a good girl.”</p><p>“Yes, sir.” </p><p>“Good girl.” His hand wrapped itself in her hair. “If it’s too much, the word is red, okay?” </p><p>She started to nod until he pulled her hair, “Yes, sir.”</p><p>“Okay, so where were we?” He sat still for a moment until her pussy clenched around him. “Oh, I’m sorry. Am I taking too long for you?”</p><p>“No, sir. Sorry, sir.” Her tone lifted slightly.</p><p>“That’s a good girl. You catch on quick.” He could tell that she was becoming impatient though, and was honestly wondering where his own restraint was coming from. He remembered back in the kitchen that all he would have had to do was touch himself once, and he probably would have cum right then and there.</p><p>He slowly eased out. With each forceful pump, her back arched and she let out a yelp. The first couple of times he was unsure and was afraid of hurting her, but he knew if it was too painful she would have used the safe word. But just to be on the safe side, “You doin-“</p><p>“Would you just move already?!” She impatiently demanded. </p><p>“Or what?”, He asked with another demanding pump.</p><p>She took that as a challenge and decided to quickly move forward. As she did that she turned around and pushed him down on the bed so he could face her. </p><p>An almost demonic laugh echoed through the room as he wrapped his legs around her and twisted her back down onto the bed. “No, ma’am. It’s my time.” She inquisitively looked at him. “You know how long you’ve tortured me for?”</p><p>“No, sir.” Her bottom lip tucked between her teeth and he tightly grasped her wrists together with one hand. With the other, he felt around his nightstand for something. “Well, you gonna tell me for how long?”, she asked and then started to laugh. </p><p>“Ah-ha!” He started to wrap a leather belt around her wrists and then tightened the knot with his teeth. He wanted to tell her from the beginning, but he knew that bringing up Duane Barry wouldn’t be a good idea at this moment, so he just ignored the question and tied the other end of the belt to the bedpost. </p><p>She could feel the tightness of the belt and knew that it would end up leaving marks, but she figured out how to answer to Mulder later when he asked her. The pain was too good to tell Alex to loosen it.</p><p>Before she realized it, his tongue was back to torturing her once again. He started to gradually slide it from her ear lobe down to the divot in her collar bone. His mouth and tongue wound their way to her mouth. </p><p>She relished in the feeling of his smooth lips; something that she hadn’t felt for some time with Mulder. Just as she was about to part her lips, he gradually moved down her neck and then proceeded to graze her nipples. </p><p>Her pelvis pushed up to accept him and he gladly accepted. It was still hard to imagine that this wasn’t a dream for himself, feeling her slippery warmth surrounding himself. He was hoping that the in-between stuff would calm him down, but it wasn’t working. </p><p>“I can’t do this anymore.” He pulled out of her and started to untie the belt. </p><p>She became slightly perplexed and sat up on her elbows. “Alex?”</p><p>“Scully, I can’t have sex with you like this. You don’t deserve it, no matter how much I wanted to punish you.”</p><p>“Alex…” she whimpered.</p><p>He immediately cut her off with another kiss as he threw the belt across the room. He wasn’t lying. It had always been one thing he enjoyed doing to his lovers, but he just couldn’t with her. </p><p>As much as she enjoyed it, she understood. It was fun, but she had started to have feelings for him and didn’t want a good ol’ fuckfest to be the one memory she was going to have of him. She conceded and kissed him back with equal force. </p><p>He slowly reentered her. Her hands wrapped around his neck, pulling his warm body closer to hers. “Oh God, you feel so damned good right now, Scully.”</p><p>“You too, Alex.”</p><p>He was trying to keep it slow, but he could feel them both start to reach the point of no return. His hands interlaced her hair and all he could do was stare into her eyes. Within moments, her legs tightened around him and he reached between them to give her clit some added pressure. He wanted them both to climax together and he was getting his wish. </p><p>She could feel his hot seed finish spilling deep into her as she came down from the high before his body went limp on top of her. </p><p>After a moment he raised up a little, brushing a clump of hair away from her damp face. “Thank you.”</p><p>She looked deep into his eyes and smiled sweetly. “So, you never answered my question?”</p><p>“Which was?”</p><p>“How long have I’ve tortured you for?” She asked softly. </p><p>All he could do was smile and kiss her once more. “Forever.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please tell me how I can improve on the smut scenes, but be kind. Like I said before, I feel incredibly awkward writing them.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Absolution</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This side of her that he never had seen before was uncharacteristically Scully-like, and he loved seeing it. If it were up to him, he would tell her to leave everything behind and stay with him forever. What he didn’t realize was that Scully would have done anything to hear him tell her to stay.</p><p>Just as she was about to doze off with her head still on his chest, he heard the faint beep from the satellite phone. He knew exactly what it meant and he let out a pained sigh. Within moments she had fallen asleep so deeply that he managed to reluctantly move her off of him.</p><p>Apparently, she wasn’t fully asleep. “Alex?” Her voice was incredibly groggy.</p><p>He bent down to kiss her on her forehead. “I was going to refill the water. I’ll be right back.” </p><p>She smiled and muttered, “Mhmmm.”</p><p>He looked back at her still naked body and smiled for just a moment and then the dread sent in when he heard the chirp once again, bringing him to sigh.</p><p>As soon as he picked up the phone he saw two message notifications. One being from Monica, but the other looked like Mulder’s number.<br/>
The first message read, “He knows.”<br/>
The next message read, “Krycek, I will kill you if she’s hurt in any way. It won’t be a quick death, but a slow, agonizing death.”</p><p>It took all of his will power to not throw the phone at the wall. Anger officially seethed through every inch of him. At first, he was thinking he could just figure out a way to get rid of Mulder completely. He didn’t deserve Scully; never did. Then he realized how much that would actually hurt her, and he couldn’t bring himself to do it.</p><p>He looked at the clock knowing that Mulder would be on the next flight out, wondering if flights were still running every hour to the west coast. Then he looked out the window to see the moon out in all of its full glory and knew that weather would not be playing a part in Mulder not being able to get there. </p><p>It was currently just after midnight, and if he remembered correctly, 8-12 hours and Mulder would be there. That gave him that much more time with Scully. </p><p>“Alex?”</p><p>He quickly threw the phone back in the drawer in his office and walked out, “Hey. Sorry. I forgot to take care of something earlier.” His hand cupped her cheek, covering up the scratches from the cougar attack the day before.</p><p>She nuzzled into his hand. “Come back to bed please.”, she said as she pulled his hand away to lead him. </p><p>They spent most of the night together laying in bed, fighting the words that they wanted to say to the other. There were a few times where he could sense that she was starting to cry, but she’d quickly wipe the tears away before he could see them. He was certain that she was fighting her inner demons, just the same as he was. But, he also knew that it was best for her to go back to Mulder, knowing that you never fully get out of working with the other side.</p><p> </p><p>Alex peeked through his partially opened eyelid to see the early afternoon sun. “Hey, Scully.”, he whispered, grazing her naked shoulder.</p><p>“Hmmmm. Just a little longer. I’m too comfy.”</p><p>He pulled her in closer to him when there was a pounding at the door followed by Mulder’s raspy yell for Scully.</p><p>She quickly sat up, eyes wide. “How the-”</p><p>“Just get dressed, and I’ll take care of it.”, he said as he stood up to get some clothes out of the dresser and quickly got dressed and then laid her clothes on the bed for her to get dressed.</p><p>“Alex? Why don’t you seem surprised by this?” Tears started to well as she watched him. She felt absolutely betrayed.</p><p>“I called Monica.” He immediately shut the door behind him to let her get dressed.</p><p>While he was quickly picking up the clothes that strewn around by them the night before, she was behind the bedroom door, sitting on the bed. Tears streamed down her face; tears from feeling betrayed by him and her own self. She couldn’t figure out why she had let it get that far. Yes, she was inebriated, but not full-blown drunk. And even if she had been drunk it wouldn’t have been like her. </p><p>There was another pounding at the front door. “Where the fuck is she, Krycek?”</p><p>Alex opened the door to see Mulder standing on the front porch, fists at his sides. “Just relax, Mulder. She’s still sleeping. She hasn’t gotten much sleep the last few days.  </p><p>“No! I will not relax! Where the fuck is she?!”, Mulder yelled as he pushed through Alex.</p><p>She wiped her tears away just before she opened the door. “Mulder?”</p><p>As soon as he saw the day-old scratches on her face, his face turned red. “Scully, what the hell happened to you?” He rushed over to her and gently pulled her face up to look at him. Thankfully the scars distracted him from the fact that her eyes were red and lids puffy. </p><p>“I’m fine, Mulder. We tried getting back down the hill so that I could get to my car, and there were two cougars who apparently had been tracking us for some time.” </p><p>Mulder turned towards Krycek, “And you just let it happen?!” He was about to close the space in between them, but Scully braced his arm to stop him. He looked back with questions in his eyes. </p><p>“You’re a lucky son of a bitch, Krycek. I should beat your ass anyway.” Mulder grabbed his shirt collar and started to push him to the wall. </p><p>“That’s me; a lucky son of a bitch.” He couldn’t look at Scully, nor Mulder. The inevitable was happening and he just wanted it to be done and over with. “Now that you have found that she’s alive, and for the most part, safe. You can be on your way.”, he said as he opened the front door. </p><p>Mulder wasn’t letting go; anger raging through. That was until Scully wrapped her hand around his upper arm. “Mulder, please.”</p><p>He looked down at her and slowly let go of Alex. “Fine. But you have no idea how much I want to beat the shit out of him right now, Scully.”</p><p>“Mulder, please.” Her worried expression grew to sadness once again. He backed up and she asked him to wait outside and he grew dumbfounded. “I’d like to talk to him for just a moment, and then we can be on our way.”</p><p>“Fine, but if-“</p><p>“Mulder, please.” </p><p>Mulder’s mouth parted as he was about to say something, but he just turned around and walked out the front door.  </p><p>Scully shut the door behind her and walked into the kitchen to not look conspicuous if Mulder had come back inside, “Alex, a word.”</p><p>He shamelessly walked up to her. She waited for him to talk first, but no words came. It was a futile hope thinking he would talk her into staying, and she knew if he was going to, he would have. But what he did say, was the complete opposite of what she was hoping. </p><p>“We were both drunk, Scully. It didn’t mean anything.” </p><p>That wasn’t what she was hoping for, but it’s what she needed to hear, seeing right through his lie. She also would have been lying if she had said that because it actually did mean something to her. </p><p>Her lips tightened to form an ‘I understand’ smile and she looked down at the floor before she turned around to walk out the door, neither saying anything else to the other. And just like that, she was gone. </p><p> </p><p>A month went by of Scully and Mulder talking about the truth regarding William which almost caused Mulder to have a mental breakdown. He was unsure of what to do with all of this knowledge. </p><p>She never did tell him about what happened between her and Alex and hoped to never have to. The hurt and betrayal inside her were lessening with each day and Mulder could see a difference in her. He had assumed that it was just from finding out the truth behind William. Little did he know that it was also what she did with Alex.</p><p>Mulder walked in from picking up the mail. He rifled through it and separated everything before he went back upstairs to his office to let her do her work at the table.</p><p>In the middle was an envelope addressed to her with no return address or name. She reluctantly opened it and started to read it, welling up with tears. </p><p>“Scully,<br/>
I hope you’ll give me the chance to explain myself and why I did what I did as it will explain everything. It wasn’t to hurt you; it was the complete opposite if anything.<br/>
I called Monica the night before you left because I was afraid that I would do something incredibly rash and hurt you after you were about to tell me that I didn’t care. You pissed me off more than I think any other person ever has, and all because I know you aren’t naive. Maybe you were just oblivious to the fact of how I saw you. Maybe now you know how much you meant to me and still do.<br/>
Our last night together will be one thing I will never regret. The only thing I do, and always will, regret is that I let you go back to Mulder. That was for your well being. See, once you get into this business, you never get out. I couldn’t do that to you.  I can only hope that you believe me.</p><p>-Alex”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you very much for putting up with me. I know that Skipper isn't everyone's cup of tea, but for some reason I have always felt that our little rat would treat Scully better than Mulder.<br/>And a special thank you to Muse for being my Muse. 99% of this was written while listening to them.<br/>Anyways, please leave some kudos if you made it this far. Feedback is always welcome.<br/>And as always, be kind and stay safe.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please leave constructive feedback. It’s the only way that I know what I need to change to be a better writer.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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